Have you ever wondered how someone moves on after many life losses, tragedies and big bumps in the road?
I know my life may appear to the outsiders like it's easy, that it's always filled with sunshine and rainbows and happy smiles.
I'd like to share with you a journey , one that may inspire you, open your heart and even make you cry.
At the age of 2, I was to attend my very first funeral. I recall the details even to this day. I don't remember being sad. I remember being curious about life and death, I remember kissing my uncle and supporting my aunt kneeling at the coffin. She was so gentle explaining things to me that I never had a fear of dying.
Life was going to bring me a multitude of situations where loved ones would die at young ages. This was going to gift me a sense of a world that most people never see or understand. I was going to embark upon a journey of greater understanding, wisdom and courage.
My mother died unexpectedly when I was only 18. This was a shock! My best friend, how could that be?? For many years I searched for her in the faces of other women. I always had a sense she was close, but it took me almost 25 years to accept her physical passing.
I also had 2 brothers that would also die respectively at 39 and 45 unexpectedly. Another shock to our family. I would question why and yet I just 'knew'.
Each time someone was being called to the spirit world, I would have a dream. A dream that may come to me a week before or years before. I never knew quite what to do with them or who exactly would be leaving. I only had a sense and a little information through symbols or pictures of what may happen. I never had fear though.
For example: 3 months prior to the passing of my 39 year old brother, I had a dream. I saw a man with dark brown hair and mustache, but his face was white, covered. I knew there was a sense of urgency and I saw a hand reach up for help. I woke up extremely concerned. I told my husband, who wasn't the type who believed in dreams or anything meta physical. I knew his brother had not been home and there was a family concern for him. I 'assumed' something may have been wrong since he fit the physical description.The family found him and he was safe.
Yet, there was still that churning inside of me. What was it? A few months later my family would gather at my home. My brother was so proud of his accomplishments in life and joyfully sharing with my father his wonderful stories of success. Everyone was happy and having a great time.
Then, the call came a few weeks later. NO!!!! How could this be? My brother had been upstate NY with some ex Viet Nam vets. They play these 'war games' with paint balls. There had been a huge snow storm, but they played anyway. Suddenly, the paint hit his body and he fell. He didn't move. His buddies thought he was clowning around, as he was known to do frequently. No movement. Nothing. His dark hair could be seen as his face was down in the snow. A cry for help with no words, no actions and then.... no breath. He was gone. Life as we all knew it would never be the same.
My brother would come to me in dreams. He would tell me things. Then one night he was taking furniture out of his childhood room he shared with our older brother. I told him to stop taking his bed!!! He said, you don't understand, we are preparing! 18 months later we would receive another call. Devastating our family once again, my older brother would come home from work, go to his room to change and work out and never come to the dinner table.... ever again.
For years I wondered why God allowed me these visions, knowing I could not do anything with it to prevent these deaths. I wondered why me? I didn't understand for many years until...
The greatest tragedy was to come upon me in 1998!
I was extremely successful in my business! Life was good! I had a trip planned to Egypt and my new husband was working towards his dreams and goals too.
Most of my goals were accomplished for the year, so far. I was excited to be journeying to Egypt in January 1999 with educator and author Carolyn Myss. We moved into our new home after being married only 6 months! There was some stress, I will admit, with the move and my husband was diligently studying for college exams and I was making decisions about expanding my school and holistic center. He was also combating an addiction to Oxycontin and vowed he would be free of this by the end of the year.
I wrote in my journal one evening I wanted peace in my life. We were having a rough few weeks and it was draining. You know what they say " be careful what you ask for and be very specific".
My newly wedded husband was going to teach me a huge lesson of courage very soon in my life. One I would take with me each day of my life. One that would allow me to gain clarity, to teach through spirit, to see beyond my physical eyes and to know that God was always there for me.